Disremembered (Alternate M Version - Chapters)
by FourTrisHEA
Summary: When one lover forgets, and the other is desperate for them to remember. This book only has the Alternative M rated Chapters from the main story "Disremembered" which can be found on my Author page.
1. BACKGROUND and DETAILS

BACKGROUNG and DETAILS:

Disremembered begins immediately after Chapter 56 of the book Allegiant, written by Author Veronica Roth. In this alternative universe – the Epilogue at the end of Allegiant does not happen.

Chapter 1 will begin immediately after Four and Christina leave Abnegation. Four had taken a vile of the memory serum in order to remove his memories, along with the pain of losing Tris. Christina was successful in convincing him that he should not take it, and be the man that Tris made him.

** This FanFic is not meant to be stand alone, to best understand - you should read the main story :Disremembered (T version) and only switch over to this story for the chapters that are labeled as having a M-Alternative.

Disclaimer - all rights to these amazing characters and story belong to author Veronica Roth.

Enjoy!


	2. CH 2 (M version): Memories

Disremember (Alternate M Version) - Chapter 2:Memories

Warning: Adult themes, language in this chapter

** 1 week later**

*Four POV*

I have this recurring dream that haunts me, of course I would have it again tonight – my last night here. The dream is always the same, I enter the new apartment I have secured in Chicago, and Tris is there. She looks at me and smiles. Her eyes so bright, so happy to see me. I feel my pulse quicken – that excitement I feel when I think there is the possibility that a kiss may be in my immediate future. Or even just her smile. And then the next moment she is just gone. I run through the small apartment calling for her – but there is only silence. Silence and the dread I feel in my chest. I always wake before I open the last door in the apartment, to the bathroom of all places.

Shivering from the dream, I quickly breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. As I use the breathing technique to calm myself, I look around the dormitory, my eyes finally fix on the empty cot next to me. The cot where had Tris slept. I painfully recall a night in the dormitory, we had even pushed our cots just a little close closer, and I can remember looking at her beautiful eyes and holding her hand as I fell asleep.

I look at my hands now, as I try so hard to remember what she felt like when our fingers were entwined. What I would give to just be able to do something as simple as moving two cots closer together in order to be able to feel her just one more time. It is too soon for me, but I want to believe that someday I can think of that moment and smile. Verses the sick and empty feeling I have now.

I try to concentrate on tomorrow. Tomorrow I leave the Bureau. I hate this place. I literally hate this place. Aside from the obvious point that Tris died here, I have to be honest with myself, there were so many personal obstacles between us during our time here. Most of which I know were my fault. I was such an asshole to her. To torture myself, I remember moments where I chose to turn away from her, to shut her out…I replay them in my mind. Again and again.

Although I am so very tired, I toss and turn for what feels like hours, and then I finally know what I must do. I need to just feel the pain, to face it, and I know that this must happen tonight – or it will never happen. I find myself quietly slipping on my shoes and then walking out of the dormitory. I do not want to wake my friends. I still have the habit of sleeping fully dressed. I find myself in the hallway, I walk quickly in the direction that would take me to the spot in the hallway we stood our last night.

I close my eyes and go over her words, "It's what you deserve to hear. That you're whole, that you're worth loving, that you're the best person I have ever known." I think of her hand on mine, but what I most remember was looking into her eyes that were filling with tears.

In that moment I knew that she loved me more than anyone ever had or ever would love me. I wanted to devour her, I could barely control myself from crashing my lips to her mouth until she finished her sentence. For all I know, she may have had a couple more things left to say to me in that moment. I close my eyes, remembering how urgently she returned my kiss, and her hand on my shirt pulling me closer to her.

I sigh as I walk more slowly now, down the hallway and I stop outside that same door. I never did ask her how she even knew this empty room that conveniently had a couch, existed. The insignificant things that cross our minds in the middle of significant moments. But now I stand there, quietly closing the door behind me – realizing that I will never have that answer. Tris is gone. I steady my breathing again, as I walk painfully towards the couch. That night, I felt it instantly – I knew she was ready to with me. I would have waited for her until the end of time. She was the only one I have ever wanted. To be close to her, in any way was not only enough for me - it was everything to me.

I felt her falter for a moment, but I knew it was not fear of us giving one another to each other fully, I could almost read her mind as she looked my body over, the insecurities she often felt, which I never understood – but always respected and tried to reassure her. I knew it was what she had needed from me. I was actually nervous myself. I decided in that moment, to put it all on the line, exactly how I felt about her, body, mind and soul. I willed her to see me, to really see how I felt. Pulling her towards me at the waist, kissing her exposed stomach while telling her how beautiful she is. And I meant it, she was so beautiful. And she was mine. And I was hers. The next moment she told me she loved me, I had to show her. I had to show her that we were real. I had joking responded with a quirky "I know," as I decided it was time to move us to the couch. She laughed, and I knew she felt safe, it was me. It was us. I had never felt so happy to approach a couch in my life.

I look around the room again as I walk to the couch. It both satisfies the need for proof that our love making was real and devastates me at the same. The pillows on the couch are exactly as we had left them that last morning. I close my eyes tightly, pushing away the tears, trying to ignore the lump forming in my throat. I remind myself that I will never be in this room again. So this one time, I will honor Tris, and as painful as it is, and remember that last night together.

To calm myself, I tell myself that I will be brave – and then I will put this memory away. Never to think about it again. I literally feel my chest burning. I lay down on the couch, now the tears are spilling but I manage to keep my sobs at bay. Instead I close my eyes and remember that moment.

 _** Flashback**_

 _I lay down beside her on the couch, eager to caress her skin with my hands and my lips. Her hands instantly stroking my sides._ _Every touch sends a bolt of energy throughout my entire body._ _She firmly presses the pads of her finger tips deeply into my skin, as if to encourage me to move forward._ _I need her, gently grabbing her by the hips I pressed my body as close to her possible._ _Feeling my length thicken uncomfortably in my jeans, I break our kiss and press my forehead against hers in order to try and calm myself._ _As if she knows what I am doing, I suddenly feel her hand slide from my sides to the top button of my jeans, popping it open._ _I instinctively buck my hips against her hand, "Tris!_ _I love you, I need you."_

 _"_ _You have me, now take me." Tris whispers while slipping her finger tips into the front of my open jeans and caressing my shaft over my boxers._ _I press my open mouth to hers and we kiss deeply._

 _While she has her hands down my pants I raise my hips off the couch and slide my jeans down and then off._ _She bites her lip to watch my face while she wraps my erection in her soft hands._ _Gently stroking me up and down, she watches for my reaction._ _"_ _I love you." I whisper to her._

 _I then pull her closer and begin kissing her neck, open mouthed and adoringly._ _I gently trail my kisses lower._ _Stopping at her collar bone to kiss her tattoos._ _I know I am her family now, and she is mine._ _I slide my hand gently from her hip and inch towards right breast, I can feel her watching me intently and her stroking hand pausing for a moment._ _"_ _I love you, and you are mine." I whisper before gently taking her sift, pink nipple in my mouth._ _My hand resting on the side of her rib cage so that my thumbs can caress the underside of her breast._ _Tris gasps loudly and moves her free hand into my hair._ _Her hand that is on me begins sliding up and down again with purpose._ _My hips instantly begin moving in tune with her hand._

 _I give her one last suckle and then switch to her other breast._ _Loving how her nipple instantly hardens as I begin kissing with my lips and using my tongue to stroke the tip._ _And suddenly Tris moans and throws her leg over me and moves her core close to me and begins rubbing gently against me._ _"_ _Trust me." I whisper as I move her hand away from my penis and place it on my hip._ _She looks confused, her eyes look hazy with lust._ _I kiss her lips gently as I slower lower the zipper of her jeans and push them down her hips, she moves her hands to help me get them completely off._ _I then place her leg over my hip again, kissing her deeply as I begin rubbing myself against her core._ _Instantly her hips begin to move in rhythm with mine, only our underwear separating us._ _She presses her face into my neck and whimpers._

 _"_ _Tobias…please." She moans, and then gently bites me shoulder while pressing more firmly against me._ _I slip my hands in between us and begin stroking her bud in circular motions over her panties. She gasps loudly at the initial caress._ _Fuck, I can feel how incredibly wet she is through the fabric._

 _I pull back and look at her eyes, "Baby, I want to touch you…I need you." And I watch as she eagerly nods her head._ _While still looking in her eyes, I gently push the fabric to the side as slip my fingers in to actually touch her._ _She bites her lip and continues to stare into my eyes._

 _I alternate between circling her clit and stroking the outside of her lips._ _Only when her hips begin moving back and forth against my hand, do I gently slip my pointer finger into her while my thumb presses gently on her bud._ _She throws her head back and begs me not to stop._ _And I don't – in fact I slip a second finger in to help me get her close, until suddenly Tris is moaning and crying out my name._ _I feels her tightening around my fingers._ _She grips shoulders tightly until she comes down from her high._

 _I gently press kisses along her shoulders, neck, and then I slip my tongue into her mouth and kiss her softly._ _Once she catches her breath I feel her hands at my hip, urging me to slide my boxers off._ _I comply and as my erection is freed Tris sits up look at me, smiling and blushing at the same time._ _She raises her hips and slides her panties off._ _We are both completely bare._ _She continues to smile at me and just look her in the eyes, she is so beautiful._

 _And suddenly I feel so nervous, I love her so much, but from my talks with Zeke and also basic health class – I know the first time may be painful for Tris._ _She sees my hesitation and frowns, suddenly crossing her arms across her chest._ _I need to explain to her "Tris, I want to make love to you._ _I am just afraid of hurting you._ _I can't ever…"_ _A see a look of relief and then understanding move across her face._

 _"_ _Tobias – I want this as much as you do._ _Please._ _I know you will be gentle." She whispers to me while laying back down on the couch and opening her arms to me._ _I smile at her and lean down to begin kissing and touching her breasts._ _I then move to kneel over her, and she moves her legs quickly so that I am situated in between them. We each begin caressing each other's sex._ _I feel how wet and responsive she is._ _She is caressing my back, my sides, my chest, "God, you are so beautiful._ _I will always love you Tobias."_

 _When she wraps her legs around and positions her hips to open herself to me fully I ask her once more, "Are you sure my love?" Tris gives me the sweetest smile while using her hand to position the head of my penis at her entrance and teasingly bucking her hips upwards._ _I do not need more convincing._

 _I kiss her deeply and both my hand and hers gently help to rub my shaft up and down along the outside of her vagina – lubricating me._ _She then moves her hands around the side of my body, her hands settling on my ass._ _I slowly begin pushing into her._ _She is so incredibly tight and suddenly I am met with resistance, I pause._ _"_ _Please, promise me you will ask me to stop if I need to." I murmur._

 _"_ _I promise, now please keep going Tobias." She whispers into my ear and then kisses my neck._ _And I do._ _I push past slowly and she gasps, but her hands on my ass do not allow me to pull away._ _Once I am fully sheathed inside of her I moan into her neck._ _I hold very still, allowing her to acclimate to my intrusion._ _Our bodies are glistening with a light coat of sweat._ _"_ _Please move slowly. I am ready now." she breathes out._

 _I support my weight on my arms, she grips my hips while I begin very slowly moving in and out of her._ _As I maintain a slow and steady pace my heart tightens at she softly grimaces in the beginning._ _I pause, and she immediately looks into my eyes and clenches her walls around me._ _"_ _Don't stop." She murmurs. My God, I am dying._ _She is amazing._

 _I brace myself up again and continue my slow and steady pace._ _Our breathing becoming heavier, with moans and the sounds of our frantic kisses filling the air._ _Suddenly Tris squeezes my ass, and begins bucking her hips up to meet mine._ _"_ _I need you to go faster, I am ready now._ _I am so so so close." She begs me._

 _I take her right leg and position it in a way that will grant me a different angle where I can begin pumping deeper into her then before._ _Which I do, and she loves it._ _She screams incoherent words as her hands scratch down my back and she reaches her climax._ _I keep pumping and then I am right behind her._ _I whisper in her ear, "Tris, I am close, but I can pull out—"_

 _She says "No, I want you to stay inside of me." And I do while grunting her name again and again._ _I welcome my release and collapse on top of her for a moment._ _Our bodies pressed closely together, I relish in the feeling._

 _I am hers and she is mine._

And now, I am alone in this room, on the same damn couch. Fuck this shit. Squeezing my eyes shut and this time feeling the tears that have slipped down my cheeks and down my throat, I remember the way her confidence flourished that night, with each time we made love her smiles becoming broader and her responsiveness more spirited. She was as hungry for me as I was for her. I needed her so much. I still do.

I lay on the couch, hugging the pillows. It is the saddest I have felt in days, which says a lot. Tomorrow, I will put this all behind me. And then sleep finally consumes me.


	3. CH 10 (M version): Experienced?

Chapter 10: Experienced? (M version)

This is the adult mature version of Chapter 10 from the fanfic "Disremembered" which can be found on my author page. These chapters will not make much sense as a stand-alone.

** A few days have gone by since last chapter**

*Tobias POV*

When I took this job, I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as I do. Especially since my only option to start in the department forced me to take the night shift. I have adjusted to the odd hours, and love the flexibility of not working during the day. I have actually made some friends at work, most of whom have been impacted by the memory serum.

I glance over at Josh, he is a nice guy, late 40s, married and suddenly put into a position where he and his wife – are trying to get to know each other again because they both lost all of their memories. I can't even imagine that, but at least in his case – they are both really trying.

I have my own desk with multiple monitors, everyone's specific login determines what cameras/zones we have access to and are expected to survey. The director is impressed with my technical skills. Between the hands on experience I get at work, and the testing Nita's team is performing to fully document what knowledge I had retained from before the serum – I love the feeling of finally being in control and really good at something.

Another reason I like this job, we are often asked to monitor the city of Chicago. During my off hours they have allowed me to bring Zeke in and we can spend hours looking at the city of Chicago, the people, some key interiors and exteriors of buildings, we jokingly call it our bromance time.

I have learned a lot about my past, at least what Zeke is able to tell me. Early on he asked me if I wanted the subject of Tris to be covered, we agreed I could ask questions about her but the moment I decided I didn't want to hear more – he would drop it.

Being almost 19 years old, one day I casually asked Zeke about what he knew about my dating history, specifically about my _experience_ with women. Once the jerk was done laughing at me, he gave me rundown on my life. Starting with Abnegation, nothing was going on there.

Then his version of our double dates when I was first at Dauntless – which I firmly believe he is exaggerating, I sounded like an idiot.

And then he paused…I obviously knew she would be part of the story. He told me that I was very private when it came to my relationship with Tris. Zeke looked at me and raised his eyebrows…I knew it was time to hear about her, I urged him to continue.

The general details of our relationship were very intertwined with the events – her initiation, the attack on Abnegation, and then the war – and finally our time at the bureau. When I pushed him for information about my experience, he sighed heavily, but continued. "So you and Tris, took it slow. I mean – she was literally the only girl you have ever even looked at. She was it for you and worth the wait." Zeke took a sip of his beer. "And she needed to wait, and you gave that to her – because you loved her and you always put her first."

"Oh my God, am I a virgin!?" I spit out. Almost afraid to hear the answer either way. Zeke chokes on his drink, and then laughs _at me_ again. I scowl at him, but encourage him to talk. Now I need to know.

He looked at me and continued "Look, when I first came to the bureau and it was a hurricane…between my brother and then Tris as well... Things were just so bad in general, not to mention the chaos here. Even between us because of Uriah, I logically knew it was an accidental involvement on your part – that lying little bitch-"

I quickly interrupt him, I have heard him call Nita that choice word a few times at this point - "Zeke! Stop. Don't call Nita such ugly words. Please, do it for me. She is really important to me…I need you to respect that." I look at him pleadingly.

He slowly nods and I can see him concede, "Let's stay on subject then – your deflowering!" he laughs, the tension between us immediately dissipating. He is such an ass, but I do value his friendship. A lot.

"So as Christina has told you, or actually shouted at you, you tried to take the serum – but she stopped you. That same day you and I had it out. We made peace with what happened to Uriah and your involvement. I had never seen you so broken. We ended up talking for many hours about everything that you had been through during your time at the bureau, with Tris. And then you…well you told me that you and Tris had made love…the night before she died." Zeke won't even look at me when he gets the last part out.

My mind is reeling… That is tragic. Seriously, the night before. I need to know… Clearing my throat, I ask him if he knows anything else, any specifics… Zeke laughs, and tells me I better grab us a couple of more beers.

Zeke took a swig of his beer and then began, "Before I get started, I obviously need to remind you about our friendship over the years. I like to think of myself as your instructor in the arena of love. In fact – I am a little annoyed that the countless hours of detailed "education" I have given you in regards to sex were a complete waste since you flushed it all down the toilette." I roll my eyes and he laughs again.

He continued "My sexual expertise is epic - I have always had my way with the ladies. Ladies – as in plural. And being a Dauntless born helped me as well, I had years of experience before I settled down with Shauna. Lucky woman – I knew exactly how to please her from day one."

Coughing to interrupt him. "Ok Zeke – I am sure I will get many hours of training from you when I get another special lady in my life, but for now – what did I tell you about me and Tris?" I push him for details.

"Yes, yes…in your words, it was epic and perfect. Tris had found some kind of abandoned room that had a couch. Which is good, because you said it probably would have happened on the floor if necessary. You were both ready. You had told me you were nervous, not because it was your first time, but you knew it would hurt her since she was a virgin." Zeke pauses…

"Go on." I press him on.

Zeke continues - "I will! Per my amazing advice, which you took because you have always been a smart man. A girl's first time is better if they are relaxed and already very aroused. It will help it not hurt as much. Do you remember that women get wet the more aroused they are, and that helps with lubricating…"I interrupt him again and explain that I have a general memory of facts – so I remember basic health class. What I don't have is memories of my specific past.

"Like I was saying, before you interrupted me, you used your hand to get her off the first time. And she was very receptive to you. The first time you guys had The Sex – you told me you started out really slow but it was still painful for her, you were ready to stop – but she insisted she wanted to keep going. And then she got really into it, I would guess the pleasure became more intense than her pain. From that moment on the night was epic for you both." Zeke asked me if I wanted to know more than that.

I nodded for him to continue. "The basics you told me, is that Tris got more and more comfortable with each time you had sex. Being your first time, you guys kept it to the basic missionary position. And didn't have oral that night." Zeke said in a matter of fact way. I can appreciate how he is not someone to mince words.

"Any other details?" I probed.

"Let's see. You did it a total of three times that night. And in your words, it was the most amazing thing you had ever experienced. And Tris had told you it was the same for her." Zeke cleared his throat and continued. "I have to tell you, as you were telling me this – you were destroyed. I mean, I could barely understand you over your sobs. You also had a few beers that night, and you ended up breaking some shit. I feel like you should know, even though you can't remember now, you were really suffering."

He looks at me sadly, I imagine he is remembering our actual conversation.

"Tobias… You loved her. I mean, you REALLY loved her. If I had ever doubted how much before, that night we spoke, watching you grieve her… I think you just needed to tell me, tell someone – about your night with her. To remind yourself it was real - - and how important and special it was to you both. It was hard for me to even listen to you, I felt how deep your loss was. She was your future, the one you needed and wanted." Zeke looks sad as his voice trails off.

I bite my lip, for the first time seeing a glimpse of this Tris. And who she was to me. Damn it – I hate this. And for a moment I wonder if letting my past go was in fact worth it.

I then quickly tell Zeke – that is enough. I don't ever want to talk about that night again.

 _-FLASHBACK-_

 _(The day after Tobias learned he was part of the rebels group)_

 _I am hitting the gym, it calms me to run._ _And I have so many thoughts going through my mind._ _Nita kissing me was a shock, I just wasn't really sure that she was thinking about me romantically._ _And to be honest – I am unable to pin point how I feel about it._ _I care for her…but the kiss just didn't feel right._ _I chuckle to myself._ _As if my memory-wiped-state would have any idea what I am supposed to feel when kissed._

 _Part of my ongoing rehabilitation was to watch old surveillance footage from Chicago._ _Some videos going as far back as when I was 10 years old, walking through the city wearing the plain grey clothes of the Abnegation faction._ _Looking at this tapes are like watching a movie for the first time._ _Nothing too specific, but it was still strange to watch._ _The most disturbing video presented to me was when I was being controlled by Jeanine – and my physical fight with Tris._ _I could not even stomach the entire video._ _I had to turn it off._

 _My conversation with Caleb from the night before was also on my mind._ _For the first time ever, I dreamt of Tris the night before._ _We were in an apartment and she was there one moment and then she was gone._ _I was frantically searching for her in my dream._ _I woke up feeling panicked._

 _After my run, I asked Ben from my rehabilitation team to pull bureau video of me and Tris, whatever he could find._ _As Nita had kissed me the night before, I decided not to ask her. Ben was able to provide a few tapes immediately, I did note that Nita has initialed their release as team lead – the overall impression I got was a pretty unhappy couple._

 _No audio – but I could tell by the body language, frustrations, a lot of stomping off on both of our parts._ _When I saw them with my own eyes, I made the decision to put Tris in the past._ _I didn't want to think about her any more._

 _-FLASHBACK END-_

And then another thought crosses my mind, this epic love story is in contrast to what the Rehabilitation team had presented to me. Things are not adding up.


	4. CH 45 (M Version) A One Time Thing

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Author's Note:

This chapter was originally written as a Mature rating for language and consenting adult sexual situations. I took the M rated chapter and made drastic cuts, and added in toned down wording to make a T version. If you prefer the T version, you can find it in the main Disremembered story. The choice is yours.

As always thank you for reading! My outline shows this story will have an even 50 chapters, so the end is near. Thank you to those of you that comment, it always makes me smile.

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 _Chapter Disclaimer_ _: This chapter contains adult-intimate-situations and references to sex. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue to read. Go read the T version. :-)_

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 **Chapter 45: A One Time Thing (M)**

 ***Tris POV***

I am so sick of this jerk and his mood swings. The fact that he thinks he has the right to keep me here and touch me in any way right now is infuriating- almost as maddening as the way my own body is betraying me once again, by wanting him so _badly_.

I put my hands on his amazing chest and shove him as hard as I can, which ends up only pushing me back into the door of his apartment, "Get your hands off me. I am leaving!" I snarl at him.

"I can't stand you, and the worst part of this entire situation is the damn sex dreams won't stop! You are driving me crazy, I hate that I dream about you, _in that way_." I pause to catch my breath. "I detest you and logically I know it is not really your fault - - so maybe I am starting to hate myself too."

I pause to compose myself.

"I hate that I still _want_ you." I softly admit, I think I am admitting it more to myself than even to Tobias.

Our eyes are locked, the room is silent. Tobias takes a step closer to me and slowly places both of his hands on the door I am leaning against, resting on either side of me. He slowly leans in closer to me. My body trembles in anticipation.

"I know what I want right now Tris, but I need you to say it before we go any further." He whispers in my ear and then slowly and gently open mouth kisses my jaw.

I whimper as my body reacts strongly to him. Our eyes meet again and I see the hungry look in his eyes. He is so close but not actually touching me.

I gently touch his chest and slowly let my fingers slide up his neck into the low curls on the back of his head. His breathing hitches and his Adam's apple bobs as he gulps.

I close my eyes for a moment, I need to decide quickly, the right decision. Can I do this? One last time before I leave?

"Tris," he moans in my other ear, this time gently pulling my earlobe into his mouth and gently nibbling it with his teeth.

Decision made.

I slowly slide both of my hands around his back and pull him close to me. His hands immediately go to my hips and close the distance between us. I gasp at the contact.

"Say it, Tris. Now," he commands while holding me close to him.

"Fine. I _want_ you. We will do this one last time. It means nothing. And then we are DONE," I say firmly. He furrows his brows, and looks like he is about to speak.

I place my fingers over his lips. "This will only be sex. I don't ever want to discuss it again. And I want you to promise me that you will never tell anyone about this!"

He frowns at me, he opens and closes his mouth a couple of times as he seems to be struggling on how to respond. I find myself getting annoyed with him.

He finally speaks, "Tris, I don't know – I don't want to hurt you. I don't think a casual sex romp is the right way for us…I mean I worry about you-"

My laughter interrupts him. "It's a little late for you to pretend that you give a crap about how I feel, or what is best for me. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that you care about me in the least. Save it Tobias."

I see a pained look on his face as he starts to pull back from me. He opens his mouth to say something and I take it as my invitation.

I crash my lips to his and gently trace his lower lip with my tongue; his body immediately responds to me. He firmly presses his body against mine, pinning me against the door as I whimper.

Our kiss becomes desperate as our tongues begin exploring each other's mouths. My one hand is still buried in his hair, gently massaging his scalp, my other on his strong shoulder helping to hold me steady.

Both of his hands are gently on my neck while cradling my face. The feeling of him gently guiding my face as he deeply kisses me is starting to make me weak in the knees. Our bodies pressed closely together. The warm sensation in my core is building.

I break the kiss and turn my head to catch a breath. His lips immediately move to kiss and gently suck on my neck.

The hand that was freed when his mouth took over moves down my side, past my hip and slowly goes behind my knee. He slowly guides my leg around him and pushes against me and the door with his body. I can feel how much he needs and wants me.

"Oh Tobias!" I cry out. Which causes him to gently bite the side of my neck. I whimper.

I push him away, and look at him. "Promise me," I demand.

He frowns and rests his forehead against mine. "I don't want to promise that this is a one-time thing or that it means nothing," he says quietly. His eyes seem to be pleading with me.

I frown and pause for a moment.

"I understand. I do." I say as I breathe in and out to calm myself, my thoughts racing. I detangle my leg from around him.

I am leaving for Providence in just a few hours; it is probably for the best. I think about my scars on my chest and stomach. At least this way I will not need to worry about hiding them from him.

I don't even look at him as I duck out of his grasp and I move around him. I lean over to grab my sweatshirt off the floor. Hoping he will move aside from the door so I can just leave and put this experience behind me.

I will never allow myself to be hurt so badly by a man again, never allow someone to consume me the way Tobias Eaton did. Especially not intimately.

"Can you move? I want to leave," I say calmly. When I meet his eyes I am not expecting to see the look of hurt and shock staring back at me. I momentarily feel a pang of guilt, and then I remember all the times he has hurt me. Too many to count, actually.

He doesn't want to " _screw"_ me? His words. Fine.

"So this is going to go your way…or nothing at all?" he deadpans.

"Basically." I shrug my shoulders. "I can see the mood has passed, so please just move."

He bites his lip. I can see the internal battle splashed across his face.

I cross my arms and tap my foot impatiently, I am getting more uncomfortable by the moment. I have some more packing to do before I go, and I start thinking over my to-do list to distract myself.

"Damn it Tris! Fine, this will go however you want." He grabs my sweatshirt and tosses it on the floor and then crashes his lips to mine. My arms go around his neck as I steady myself against his sudden embrace.

He pauses his assault on my lips for a moment. "I promise. One time and I will never tell anyone about this. Ok?"

"Thank you," I mumble in between kisses. Suddenly, he picks me up under my butt forcing my legs to wrap around him. I press myself against him while kissing his neck.

"I want you in my bed," he declares as he carries me to his room.

o+ooo+o

*Tobias POV*

Her kisses are intoxicating. I feel like I am about to burst from want and need. As I carry her into my bedroom I kick the door shut behind me. I can feel her smile against my lips, she liked that.

I am going to do a lot of things to her that she is going to like. Love, actually.

My lips are already deliciously sore from our kisses. I gently bite her lower lip and she moans appreciatively.

The tightness in my jeans is becoming unbearable. When she begins pressing her core against me, I almost drop her on the floor.

"Trisss!" I hiss loudly. She giggles and does it again. Little vixen. I squeeze her ass, my fingertips purposely brushing dangerously close to her most sensitive area.

"Oh Damn it!" she moans and suddenly she is panting for me.

I know what I want to do to her first. If she'll let me.

I stand Tris up at the front of the bed, I grab her face and thoroughly kiss her for a moment. I could kiss this girl for the rest of my life. No one has ever made me feel this way.

I gently slide my right hand down her neck and over the front of her tank top, I stop to caress her breast over her shirt. She whimpers. I feel her nipple harden through her top and bra.

I move both my hands to the bottom of her tank top to pull it off. I feel her cringe, her hands immediately stop me.

"No. I want to leave my shirt on," she insists and moves my hands to her butt as she resumes kissing me passionately.

I pause our kiss to look in her eyes. I see her resolve. I nod in agreement.

She smiles and then gently kisses me before lightly biting my lower lip.

I moan at her assertiveness and use my hands which are still on her butt to begin moving our bodies closer together.

We are both panting from want and need.

I have a moment of doubt- is this really all she wants? One time together? I want to give her so much more. I want her in every way.

"Tris…wait…are you sure about this?" I say while leaning my forehead against hers.

"Yes," Tris says. "Don't ask me again. In fact – please do not talk to me at all. Let's both just feel this moment. I want it to be good for us both. I already know we work very well together…physically."

I flinch at her words. I feel a pang in my chest. It hurts me to think that this is only physical for her when I am feeling so much more.

She then says, "I promise – if I need to stop, I will tell you then."

She gently wraps her arms around my neck and I move my arms around her waist. We both stop and smile shyly at each other. It lasts for just a moment, but I know I see it in her face. She does love me. I know she does.

I gently peck her lips and she raises her eyebrows at me expectantly.

"What?" I say teasingly. I run the tip of my nose from her chin towards her ear, gently across her jaw. She giggles and pulls me closer to her

"Oh, nothing," she says as her hands slowly trace down my chest, even more slowly down my stomach, and her fingertip trace the top of my jeans.

I suddenly feel a knot in my stomach. It occurs to me that I have never done this before, well not really, as I don't remember my night with Tris, while she does remember. I also remember she dated Luke Clark, I would imagine that they…. Ugh. I suddenly am full of doubt. I try to push my feelings of inadequacy away.

She pulls back and is examining my face. I look away from her and try to distract myself, I start kissing her neck.

"Wait. I know I said no talking, but when you look at me like I killed your dog, I need to know what you're thinking. What's wrong?" she asks as she pulls away and is looking at me again.

"It's nothing, forget it," I mutter.

She sighs and pulls away from me, I instantly feel a loss. I pull her back to me so that we are at least hugging. I kiss her forehead.

"Please," Tris says as she puts her hand to my cheek.

Damn it. Here goes...

"It's pretty stupid. I was just thinking about how…well this will, in a way, be my first time. But you…well you…" I mutter.

A look of recognition crosses her face, and she smiles at me kindly.

"I can only imagine that Luke was experienced enough to make sure you…" I continue.

"Tobias! What?!" she then looks mad.

Uh oh. She sure can switch gears quickly. She went from understanding to furious in seconds. I decide to shut my mouth and not make things worse.

"For your information, I have never had sex with Luke Clark! In fact, Luke and I have never even kissed on the lips. Not even one time. I can't say the same for you and Nita – as she slobbered all over your face on stage at the Gala," she spits at me.

As mad as she is, I can't help but smile at her. Wow, she has never even kissed Luke Clark. I am thrilled to hear this.

"Why the hell are you smiling?" she snaps.

I pull her into my arms and kiss her passionately. After her initial gasp she throws her arms around me and kisses me back.

"I am smiling because I am thrilled to hear you were never with Luke, and now I'm going make love to you as best as my inexperienced self can. I am very open to suggestions and tips from someone with more experience along the way," I tease her.

She laughs and kisses me as I gently lay her down on the bed and lay closely next to her.

Tris lets her hand slide back down my stomach and she gently unbuttons the top of my jeans, the rest of the buttons straining to open as my jeans are so tight in the groin area. Her fingertips suddenly dipping down.

"Trisssss" I hiss. My hip buck against her hand. I can feel her smile as she kisses my neck.

I am anxious to touch her, I gently slide my hand into the waistband of her sweatpants, gently rubbing in a circular motion over her core above the thin fabric of her panties. She sighs and deepens our kiss, our tongues performing a dance of their own. Tris closes her eyes and gives into the sensation of my fingers that have now slipped into her panties, directly on her core.

She slides her hand to my hip as though she is holding on to me for dear life. I want to make her explode. I kiss her neck gently as the most amazing moans leave her mouth. She is panting and moving her hips against my hand.

"Tell me what you want Tris," I whisper in her ear.

"Oh Tobias. Oh…I want you. I want you to make me…" I gently squeeze her clit and she cries out, while digging her nails into my hip. My dick actually twitches.

I pull my hand away and she mewls in protest. I kiss her as I pull down her underwear and her sweats at the same time. When she sees what I am doing she frantically lifts her hips off the mattress to help me.

"Lay down on your back, now. Please," I say with determination on my voice.

She is biting her lip and panting. She is completely bare, aside from her tank top. I lean over and continue stroking her with my fingers. I prop myself up over her so I can watch her move below me as I pleasure her.

"Before we knew you were alive, Zeke told me what I had told him about our night together. He told me that was made love three times, and we had also used our hands to please each other. Is that right Tris?" I ask her quietly while she is moaning and panting under me.

"Oh God, yes. Yes. That's right," she says. There is a fine sheen of sweat on her brow.

"I want to do something that is new to us both now. I can stop if you don't like this, just tell me," I whisper as I kiss her neck and begin kissing down her chest, sucking on her breasts through the tank top. I keep kissing lower and lower until I reach her core.

Tris gasps when she realizes where my end goal is. She tries to clamp her legs shut. She sits up a little, propping herself up on her elbows. She looks nervous.

"Just let me try, ok? I've never done this either."

She nods her head and I pull her down to the edge of the bed so I can kneel in front of her. I situate her legs over my shoulders and begin slowly kissing the inside of her thighs.

As my tongue begins kissing her most personal part she bucks her hips off the bed crying out my name. This is exactly the encouragement I needed from her. Her hand immediately goes to my head, her fingers caressing my hair, at moments tugging, as she encourages me to keep going. Between my mouth and my fingers she comes three times over the next 15 minutes. She is literally screaming my name, and begging me not to stop. She throws in a few thank yous as well.

I finally get up on the bed and pull her up to lay next to me, feeling very proud of myself. She is so sexy and really hot. My dick is throbbing in my pants, but watching her come again and again was worth my wait.

Suddenly she is kissing my neck and her hand is sliding down my chest, past my abs and she is stroking me over my jeans.

"I want to take you in my mouth, can we try that?" she whispers.

I smile at her and nod. We both undo my jeans and she helps me push them off. She smiles at me and bites her lower lip when she sees my dick stand up. She gently kisses the tip. I remind myself she has seen me before.

I bite my lip and smile at her. She gently pushes me on my back as she kisses my neck, and then slowly down my chest and abs. She then begins stroking my shaft with her hand, up and down, slowly.

I moan as my hips buck up to meet her pulls.

I see her stop, as she stops to breathe in and out.

"Tris, you ok?" I ask as I gently stroke her cheek.

She blushes and nods, "I am trying to control myself from getting on top of you and sliding you..." She pumps my shaft once. "...deep inside of me."

I throw my head back and moan as I pump into her hand. I start to pull her close to me, I am ready to guide her to sit on top of me. I can't wait to make love to her.

She bats my hands away from her hips and suddenly I am in her mouth. I throw my head back and enjoy the sensation of her lips around me.

As I sit up and watch her take me in and out, I feel myself giving in to the amazing sensation of her mouth and hand at my base I realize I just want to hold her in my arms. I want to hold her and never let her go. My stomach is doing flip flops. This has to be more than lust.

I love her so much. I think I _always_ have.

Suddenly my balls tighten and I am know I am close. I warn her so she can move her mouth away. She just sucks harder. I come in her mouth as I slip my hands in her hair and hold on tight. I cry out her name.

She kisses me gently on the cheek and lays down next to me. I immediately pull her close to lay in front of me as I kiss right behind her ear. Tris hums appreciatively.

"Tris…that was amazing. Thank you." I want to tell her that I love her. That I know now. And it is not because of the amazing blow job she just gave me, I love her and I always have. I always will.

I lay on my side and gently begin caressing her breasts over her tank top, I look at her face for permission that this is ok. She nods to encourage me. She just reminds me she wants to keep the tank top on.

Suddenly it dawns on me, it is not just that she is shy…she doesn't want me to see her gunshot wounds.

She leans up and kisses me on the lips, running her hands gently up and down my back.

I can't believe I didn't realize this until now. She must feel insecure, and what hurts even more is that she must not have enough trust in me to be comfortable with me seeing her scars. She doesn't trust me enough to see her completely.

I stop what we are doing, I hold her face in my hands so I can look deep into her eyes. She stops and stares back at me with love.

I kiss her lips gently and she smiles.

I am going to show her how much she means to me. I gently lean down and move the bottom of her tank top up slowly, her eyes are watching me.

She smiles softly, as I place my hands on the sides of her stomach, finding one of the gunshot scars and I kiss it gently. She bites her lip and gently caresses my cheek. I then whisper the word " _ **Beautiful."**_ And I mean it.

The moment _the word_ leaves my lips, Tris physically recoils and shoves me away from her. Tears instantly form in her eyes. Fuck. I have no idea what I did wrong or how to fix it.

"You just can't fucking help yourself. You have to ruin everything!" she cries as she jumps up from the bed.

My mouth is hanging open in shock, "Tris, please…I'm sorry. I just, I wanted to show you that I love you, and I don't care about your scars," I blurt out.

She actually scowls at me as she pauses from slipping her panties back on. "I can't believe you just ruined this for us. Actually, yes I can. So typical."

She is slipping on her sweats. I frown and begin pulling my jeans back on.

"Tris, I am sorry if I upset you or I pushed you too far. But please stay, let's talk about this. I know I am falling in love with you. Please, please don't push me away." I try to pull her close to me. But she shoves me away.

"This was a huge mistake. I am sorry we did this. Just forget about today. I plan to." She shouts at me. I hear the emotion in her voice. She is so upset. I see she is actually shaking. My heart aches for her.

"Please don't push me away," I whisper as I follow her through my apartment to the front door.

She looks at me one last time, tears streaming down her face. "It's too late. Goodbye, Tobias."

 **o+++o+ Chapter End o+ooo+o**


	5. Epilogue: Our New Normal (M-version)

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Author's Note:

This chapter was originally written as a Mature rating for language and consenting adult sexual situations. I took the M rated chapter and made drastic cuts, and added in toned down wording to make a T version. If you prefer the T version, you can find it in the main Disremembered story. The choice is yours.

As always thank you for reading! This is the last addition to my version of the Tobias and Tris love story. Thank you to those of you that comment, it always makes me smile.

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Chapter Disclaimer: This chapter contains adult-intimate-situations and references to sex. If you are uncomfortable with this, please do not continue to read. Go read the T version. :-)

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* * *

 **Epilogue: Our New Normal (M version)**

 **Part I: Time Lapse ~ Two Months**

 ***Tris POV***

As class wraps up I quickly place my tablet and notes in my backpack. I smile at my professor as I run out of the lecture hall. I only have fifteen minutes to make it to my internship that is a few buildings over. It is only my second week and I don't want to be late. I started a six month internship at the Providence Child Advocacy Center, my goal being to contribute while also using this time to decide which area I want my career to concentrate on.

I am working towards a degree in _Child Advocacy and Policy_ at the local university. Laura Grey has followed through on her promise to me; I was able to step away from the Genetic Research Project and follow my own passion. It took some soul searching, but this is what I decided I want to do with my life: helping children who don't have a voice, and stepping in where I can to protect them.

A child advocate may work in a number of different capacities for many types of organizations. I am leaning towards dealing with neglect and abuse. I felt nervous broaching the subject with Tobias. I knew he would support me in any choice I made, but I also knew this career would hit close to home for him.

He was wonderful. He actually got tears in his eyes and kissed me before saying a single word. He then told me I was amazing, and that every day that passes he falls more and more in love with me. We ended up kissing for hours that evening, skipping dinner altogether.

It has been two months since Tobias and I found our way back to each other again. Tobias asked Luke if he could transfer to Providence permanently, telling him that we wanted to start our lives here. Luke made it happen quickly; Tobias has a permanent position with the Providence Security Team, starting in surveillance but quickly was promoted to information technology analysis and coding.

In the spirit of taking it slow, Tobias got his own apartment in Providence. It helps that we each have our own space and we make it a point to not be together at all times. Especially nights, well, at least not every night. There are some times we will end up sleeping over one another's apartment, but it is more of a special occasion than an everyday thing.

We have not been intimate, and we attempt to keep our physical affection to mainly kissing. Tobias likes to mention that he often has to take cold showers. I just smile and remind him I like a clean boyfriend.

After my work day I rush home to prepare dinner. It is Friday night and it is finally my turn to plan a date night. It's like pulling teeth getting Tobias to give me a turn. He loves to spoil me, and I have stiff competition when trying to come up with something creative and romantic.

Thirty minutes later there is a knock at my door, as I am pulling the chicken out of the oven, and I call for Tobias to come in. I hear him use his key to let himself into my apartment. In record speed he is standing behind me, his arms slowly wrapping around my waist and kissing my neck. I feel the butterflies in my stomach do somersaults. I lean back against him and reach my arm up and behind me to slide my fingers into his hair.

"I missed you so much today," he whispers into my ear. My lips instantly form a huge smile. I turn around and look into his eyes, I could stare at them all day and night.

"I missed you too. I'm glad you are here. I hope you're hungry," I giggle.

Tobias leans in and kisses me passionately, pausing to gently bite my lower lip. "I am _always_ hungry for you, Tris." A small moan escapes my lips.

After a moment I push him away playfully and hand him the plates and silverware so he can set the table. "We are not going to burn dinner again! Table, go, please!" He just chuckles as he walks away. I pause to watch him retreat, he is beautiful. In every way. I need to pull the roasted vegetables out of the oven next.

Dinner is delicious, according to Tobias. We laugh and talk about our day. He is always interested to hear about my classes, and now my internship. He tells me he is proud of me, and he wishes more people were like me. I just blush. I am still getting used to accepting compliments from him. I have no reason to doubt him, my doubt comes from within. It is something I am working on.

Although challenging, we still are working through the past. Our hurts, our shortcomings, our words that were not always kind, deceptions – even things that happened before the memory serum release. I have learned that although difficult to talk these things through, I feel better afterward and even safer in our relationship. I am learning to be honest with him, and I trust he is learning the same thing with me.

Even with knowing that he was being controlled by Nita with a serum and then essentially brainwashing tactics, we both carry hurts from that time that spill into our present. Tobias can remember the ways he had hurt me, he remembers the way he would be wonderful one moment and then cruel the next. I love him, and I have forgiven him. He is still working on forgiving himself. It is important for our future that he does. Although I logically understand what happened, Caleb and Cara went to great lengths to explain it to me (I think they feared I would not forgive Tobias), I still carry the fear of the future. Early in our _new_ relationship… I found myself approaching Tobias after a separation, whether a work day or even a couple of days when our schedules were hectic, and I realized that I would brace myself for the possibility that my Tobias would be gone _again._ He sensed my unease but I didn't want to _hurt him_ so I kept it inside. We are still learning, that by keeping secrets from each other - that is what causes the biggest hurt of all.

I was honest with him, and it did pain him. But we worked through it. Tobias came up with a code word (if via phone) or sign that he was still...him. The code word was cake. And anytime we would first see each other he would discreetly tug on his right ear. It became this cute, but private joke between us. We were able to take a scary and sad situation and turn it around. We took away its power over us.

He is my best friend, as well as my love.

I am starting picture forever with him.

"Tris?" Tobias repeats. I smile sheepishly at him, I was zoned out. "You told me to pack a light coat for the second part of our date, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, let's go," I smile.

We talk about Caleb and our friends. A lot has changed in the last two months. Shortly after we left the bureau, both Zeke and Christina returned to Chicago. Zeke was so happy to reunite with Shauna and they both visited us in Providence just last weekend. I never knew Zeke was such a little gossip! Tobias just rolled his eyes and didn't say a word. Shauna and I always laughed and encouraged him to keep talking.

I'm going to have to have some words with Christina for keeping me in the dark. I know she still sees me as a prude- especially when I told her that not only are Tobias and I not going to live together, but we also have slowed down the physical aspect of our relationship. She was horrified, as was poor Zeke. During Zeke's visit I overheard him lecturing Tobias on how he should still give me orgasms even though we are not having sex. I cleared my throat before entering the room. Zeke smiled at me sweetly while Tobias was a bright shade of red and was staring at his feet.

Back to Christina, she had mentioned to me that she was _really_ enjoying Chicago and her new position training future Dauntless initiates; her initiates can be any age now as anyone can apply. What she neglected to tell me is that she has been caught on two separate occasions having hot sex in the training room after hours. A different guy each time! Shauna and Zeke thought this was a hilarious story, and made sure to tell us that Christina was fine and completely comfortable with it. Neither guy was one of her students, so she wasn't in any kind of trouble. Tobias, who still doesn't care for her, to his credit kept his mouth shut. But I can recognize his 'disgusted' face a mile away. I was absolutely flabbergasted, but I did make a mental note to ask Christina for the juicy details later.

Caleb and Cara are still dating and happy working at the bureau. I know for a little while there was some drama with Matthew. After he gave up on me, he thought Cara would be open to dating him. He didn't realize that she and Caleb were pretty serious. I think that blew over pretty quickly.

During Zeke and Shauna's visit, I had some gossip to share as well. Tobias smiled at me and held my hand while I told them that through her grief as a widow, Kimberly had reconnected with Luke Clark after many years of friendship, and they had started to date. As Kimberly has a baby on the way, and they have known each other as close friends their entire lives…things got serious quickly. It was nice to see them in person for brunch when they came out to discuss their relationship in person with both sets of parents. I know that John had no living family, but that both Kimberly and Luke are committed his child knowing what a hero he was.

It is funny how things worked out, I never imagined I would see Tobias and Luke sitting at the same table genuinely enjoying a meal together. Luke pulled me aside to tell me how very happy he was, granted he mainly knows Tobias through their professional relationship. Luke told me he approved, and if I had been his actual sister he would give Tobias his blessing. It meant a lot to me.

Tobias and I walk hand in hand to our date, I got us tickets to tour the botanical gardens. I read that they have set up a light show and music to enjoy as we walk the exhibits. It was a wonderful evening, and very romantic.

Tobias is always so grateful when I plan our dates. I love that about him. I had never noticed before that it is almost like it is still a surprise to him when someone does something nice for him. I hope to show him that he will always be able to count on me.

"What are you thinking about right now, Tris." He whispers in my ear as we are on the elevator returning to my apartment.

I blush deeply, he raises his eyebrows, I am sure even more curious now. I sigh and lean closer to him, "I was thinking…that I want to make you happy, take care of you, love you…and that you can always count on me. I hope you know that."

He gulps, his adam's apple bobbing, his face suddenly serious. Before the elevator even opens, he suddenly scoops me up in his arms, as though I weigh nothing. The memory of our time in amity and that stupid serum enters my mind. Now I can look back and laugh. His eyes don't leave me as he swiftly carries me to my apartment, once there he quickly stands me up and presses his body against mine on the wall next to my door. He manages to kiss my lips while simultaneously unlocking the door with his key. I whimper, suddenly feeling weak in the knees.

"Tris, can I come in?" he asks softly.

"Yes," I smile while kissing him lovingly.

As he pulls me into my apartment and locks the door behind us, he stops and smiles at me. "Tris, after I take a very cold shower, may I spend the night in your bed and kiss you passionately until one of us falls asleep?"

I gently touch my thumb to his lower lip, "Yes, Tobias. Yes."

I love him, and he is mine. Just as I am his.

"As long as you sleep with a shirt on," I remind him. He laughs wholeheartedly and kisses me again.

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 **+o++++++o+ +o++++++o+**

 **Part II: Time Lapse ~ Four More Months**

 ***Tobias POV***

I step off the transport and look for Josh and Amy. I see them immediately and wave. My department has a mandatory two day training at the Bureau so here I am. I had really wanted Tris to make the trip with me but she is working on an important abuse case and the child's hearing had been scheduled for tomorrow morning. Her internship team is working around the clock today for final preparations. These will be the first nights we are not sleeping in the same city since I initially followed her to Providence. I don't like it one bit.

Although work was willing to pay for my hotel, Josh and Amy insisted that both myself and Zeke should crash at their apartment for both nights. As soon as we determined that Tris could not make the trip, I asked Zeke if he wanted to make a small reunion of my trip. Zeke was thrilled. I was so relieved he accepted, while we are at the Bureau there is a special project I need his help with.

When Tris and I had decided that we wanted to take things slow, and date, a big part of that was also choosing to be on our own, away from family and friends. Caleb was fine with staying at the Bureau- he has never been one to want to have Tris too close. Evelyn is honoring our original agreement that she needs to stay away from any of the major cities for a two year period.

A few weeks ago I did send word to her, letting her know all that had happened with Nita, the memory serums, and of course Tris being alive. My letter to Evelyn explained that Tris and I were madly in love and working to build a new relationship. I was honest with her- I confided that my hope is that Tris and I will be together forever. Evelyn wrote back almost immediately to tell me she was happy for me, and she also asked me to pass a message along to Tris. She wrote:

 **"Dearest Beatrice,**

 **After witnessing my son suffer your loss, learning of your return has done nothing short of warm my heart. I know that he adores you, please be good to him. He deserves the best, and you have always been the only person to give that to him. One day, I hope you can forgive the petty and cruel things I said to you in the past. I deeply regret those moments between us. I hope we can move forward one day.**

 **Warmest regards, Evelyn"**

I think back to when Tris read the note.

 **+o+ Memory +o+**

 _After reading Evelyn's note, Tris asked me to give her a moment and she walked out of the room while trying to discreetly wipe her tears away. I could immediately sense how upset she was, they were not tears of sadness. After fifteen minutes she returned and asked me if we could just call it a night, and that she wanted some time alone. I felt dread, I knew that my mother's message had an impactful meaning, and I began to imagine the worst. I knew of the tension between them back in Chicago, but I felt like there was something specific that neither woman had ever shared with me._

 _"Tris, if you need me to leave and give you space…I will. But I am asking you, please don't shut me out. Whatever this note means, whatever specific thing is upsetting you, I want to know. We are a team, I love you, I don't want there to be secrets between us," I urged her._

 _She closed her eyes. I could just see that she was thinking about what to do. She then smiled at me, and walked over and kissed me slowly. My heart raced, but with fear that time. I began to coach myself, if Tris needs space and asks for it, I needed to honor that. It was part of strengthening our relationship. My instinct had been to push her, to push her into giving me what I needed. I wanted information, I wanted to know exactly what this was about._

 _I decided I wouldn't do that. I needed to respect her, and trust her. I kissed her cheek, I told her I loved her and that I hoped I would see her the next day. As I got up and grabbed my coat and keys she suddenly started crying. I froze. I was unsure of what to do, did she still want me to leave?_

 _Thankfully Tris ran over to me and jumped in my arms. I dropped my things on the floor and hugged her so tightly that her feet left the floor. "Can we sit down on the couch? I want to tell you why I got so upset…" she had whispered. I sat on the couch and pulled her into my lap, I gently rubbed her back to encourage her to continue._

 _"When we were in Chicago, obviously you know that your mom and I did not get along. There was a time- and it hurt me a lot- Evelyn told me that she was your family, that she would be permanent in your life. And then she told me that I was only temporary."_

 _The moment the words left Tris's mouth I felt a fire in me. How dare Evelyn have opened her mouth and said that to the woman I loved? The woman I adored more than anything. Especially a mother who had abandoned her own child when he was just a little boy! A scowl on my face, I clenched my fists to help control my anger. I said nothing, afraid to speak as I feel my anger building._

 _"Tobias, wait! Please listen to me. I need to explain myself to you. What upsets me now…is not what your mother said. I mean, yeah, it was damn rude. But there are two things that are upsetting me. The first, is that I have to accept, even when we were in Chicago before ever going to the bureau…I was not comfortable enough in my own skin to be honest with you. To tell you what your mother had said to me. I regret that. I look back and regret so many of the secrets that were between us." Tris paused to breathe, looking for my reaction._

 _I felt the tension leaving my body. I did understand what she was saying. Tris was right, I also look back on that time and wish I had handled many things differently. I smiled and rubbed my nose across hers. That always made her smile. "And second?" I encouraged her to finish._

 _Tris smiled sadly, "After my coma, things between us were so bad. It felt like a hopeless situation. I just remembered your mother's words, and I felt like she had been right all along. That I was never enough, or never really important to you. That I really was just temporary in your life."_

 _I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her fiercely, I was determined to kiss her so passionately that she would never be able to doubt how crazy that thought was. My mother could not have been more mistaken- shame on her for saying something so cruel and ridiculous. "Tris…I love you. Just as I loved you then. Please tell me you know how much I adore you!"_

 _Tris slid her arms around my neck and she looked deep into my eyes. "Tobias, I love you. And I trust you. I trust us. I want you to know, I am so glad we talked about this. Evelyn's note was very gracious, kind even. I do want to try with her, when the time comes. But more importantly...as hard as this was for me to talk about, I am so glad we did. I feel better, I feel like we are stronger without this between us."_

 _I nodded and then pulled her close for another kiss, it started slow and sensual. We gently caressed each other's arms and backs while our lips moved together slowly. I was so overwhelmed by my love for her._

 _It was when Tris whimpered and moved her face to look up, effectively offering me her neck, that I started to feel an incredible rush. I loved her so much, I needed more of her. I laid her down on the couch and gently pushed my body weight on her. She looked in my eyes and she slowly wrapped her legs around my waist. Suddenly our cores were aligned and I slowly began pushing myself against her. Her breathing increased as she frantically began meeting my pushes. We begin kissing again and suddenly Tris was whimpering with need, and I was about to ask her to make love._

 _"Tobias, shoot. I want you so badly, but not like this. Not after a heavy discussion regarding your mother. Please…we need to stop now," she groaned, while she was still frantically rubbing against me. My pants were painfully tight and I could feel myself throbbing with need._

 _I sighed, knowing she was right, I sat up while pulling her up with me. We both smiled and tried to calm our breathing._

 _Tris laughed, but declined when I invited her to take a cold shower with me._

 **+o+ Memory End +o+**

That was the day we talked about Evelyn. I really hope that Tris and I are still not taking things slow by the time Evelyn returns from her two year hiatus. Unlikely, since I hope to be married to Tris before then.

The special project I have in mind with Zeke, I am going to buy Tris's engagement ring while I am in the Bureau. I have been saving up for a while and I want to find the perfect ring. I let Josh and Amy know ahead of time, and they suggested a couple of reputable jewelry stores at the bureau.

I meet Zeke for an early dinner after my first day of training. He is waiting for me at the restaurant.

"I feel like this is an actual date, Four. Reservations and everything. Anything you want to tell me?" Zeke jokes when he sees me.

I laugh at him, "Yeah, well don't get too excited. We have to hurry and eat. I need your help with something after dinner and I didn't want to risk the stores closing before we made it over."

Zeke scowls, "I hope you didn't invite me to hang out in the bureau so we can go shopping. You should have called Christina if that's what you have in mind. Although I will say, her, um, 'social calendar' is quite full these days. That girl is on a tear!"

I roll my eyes, "Zeke, Christina's promiscuity is of no interest to me. Please, spare me the details."

"It should be, my friend, as she is Tris's best friend – this is the girl that is going to influence and share sexual details with your woman. Which will impact you…one day…when you grow a pair and get that ball rolling again." Zeke laughs at his own joke.

"Yeah, just what I want. My girlfriend to hear specifics of Christina's last three-way, that was her and two dudes. No thank you!" I mutter.

Zeke laughs hysterically, he is really finding this amusing.

After dinner I drag Zeke along. When we arrive to the jewelry store he immediately gets serious. He smiles at me. "Is this what I think it is? Are you going to look at rings for Tris?"

I smile back and nod. "Thank you for being here Zeke, I am very excited to pick out a ring for Tris. I'm also sick with worry that I'll mess this up, and pick out something she will hate. I just want to make sure it's perfect."

"First, let me start by explaining to you that you are about to make my life extremely difficult. Once Shauna finds out that you popped the question to Tris…she will light a fire under my ass. So thank you for that!" he teases.

"But second, I can't tell you how happy I am for you. I know that you and Tris have been through so much, but I also know that you both belong together. And you guys are going to be really happy," Zeke finishes. I smile at him, I am actually speechless.

As Zeke and I look at rings and talk, he does ask me why I am thinking about marriage so soon. I tell him that even though I left Abnegation, there is still a part of me that yearns to have the security and promise that marriage means to me. I want to give Tris what I desperately want from her. I want her to be my _wife_ , and I have wanted that for a while now. I just hope she wants it too.

I admit I am nervous. But I love her, and even if she's not ready- I want her to know that I am. I am willing to wait for her.

I am shocked at how quickly I pick out Tris's ring. The moment I saw it, I knew it was the one. It is simple, yet elegant, a vintage look. A while gold band with side small accent diamonds, and then a cushion-shaped diamond in the middle. It's not the largest diamond, or showy by any means. But I can picture Tris wearing it every day, for the rest of her life.

Zeke actually gets choked up as I am paying for the ring. I smile at him and try to control my laughter.

"I'm not crying tears of joy for you, Four. I'm crying in anticipation of what Shauna is going to do to me when she finds out. I hope you're proud of yourself!" Zeke covers.

I just smile and tell him to start saving for Shauna's ring. He shoves me for that comment.

Training goes as expected, and when we have dinner with Josh and Amy the next day, the main topic of discussion is what grand, romantic gesture I should plan to ask Tris. I listen as the three of them brainstorm ideas. The truth is, I don't know how I am going to ask Tris. I keep drawing a blank on what will be right for us. I do get a great laugh at some of their ideas; one involved taking Tris on a pony ride. Yeah, she would just love that.

There is one last thing that Zeke and I need to do while at the Bureau. We save it for our last day, it was something I promised Tris I would handle. We need to check on Nita.

Because of her physical assault on me regarding the initial memory serum, and then her abuse of power as part of my Rehabilitation Team, and worse – her role as leader of the Rebel Group- Nita has been sentenced to death. Her court appointed lawyer tried to spin her memory loss, after she injected herself, as a reason to avoid execution, but it was Laura Grey who rallied hard against that. I imagine that the brutal loss of Ms. Grey's sister during the Rebel attack was a huge motivation.

Today Zeke and I are being allowed to check on Nita in her current jail cell. We both requested that we did not want to interact with her, we just wanted to see with our own eyes that she was safely behind bars. I need to be sure that she is locked away and unable to hurt Tris and I ever again.

Luke Clark meets us, he wanted to personally escort us. As we walk towards the bureau jail, I congratulate him on his recent marriage. It was a very private wedding, with just his and Kimberly's parents. Tris and I sent a wedding gift and a baby gift. Their daughter is due to be born any day now. Luke thanks me, and he makes it a point to tell me a _few times_ how wonderful marriage is, and he has never been happier. I smile at him, if only he knew about the ring that is burning hole in my pocket.

As we approach Nita's cell window, I feel a mixture of disdain and pity. I know she was an awful human being, but there is a little part of me that pities her – maybe it is because of her romantic obsession with me. But overall, what I would never be able to look past is the hurt she caused Tris. I still shiver when I think about how close I came to losing the woman I love, again. Maybe I am not as Abnegation as I had hoped, but I am relieved Nita will be paying for all of her crimes with her life.

A world without Nita and David is one I want to live in- for Tris, for me, even for our future children. We will be safer for it, and that is what matters to me.

Luke assures me he will be personally making sure there are no issues with Nita's plan of execution. I thank him and leave, ready to put her behind me.

Before I leave for home, I have one last meal with Caleb and Cara. They seem really happy and I would even go as far as to call Caleb…pleasant. He tells me that he is really happy that things worked out with Beatrice and I.

Once I am on the transport to head home to Tris, I can finally relax. Not seeing her for almost three full days has made me sure that I never want to be apart from her. I close my eyes and fall asleep for the journey.

 **+o+++o+**

Tris and I had agreed to meet at my apartment, as I would head straight home. I was walking through the transport terminal when I suddenly felt her familiar arms wrap around my waist from behind. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of her body pressed against my back. I gently tug on my earlobe and she rewards me with a sweet kiss on my back where her lips reach.

"Tris," I whisper, suddenly there is a knot in my throat. I turn around and look at her, her eyes already glistening with unshed tears.

"I missed you," we both say at the same time while touching our noses together. I suddenly can't wait any longer, I pull her to me and kiss her lips with all the passion I can pour into her. I love her, and I missed her so much. In that moment I know I don't ever want to be separated from her again.

"I know we agreed to meet at your apartment later tonight…but I was desperate to see you. I love you, Tobias," she tells me adoringly.

I pull her to the side of the terminal and kiss her thoroughly. I need to keep reminding myself we are in a public place, so it helps to keep me in check. Finally, when we have had enough we find the strength to pull apart in order to make it home.

I tell her all about my trip, minus the ring part, and she listens thoughtfully when I tell her about Nita. She thanks me for being brave enough to handle that for her. She wants to put that time in our life behind us, and move forward. I kiss her forehead and agree with her.

I was relieved to hear that the child abuse case her internship team was working on went well. Although a very sad situation, the outcome was what her team had been hoping for. I know that Tris is learning to fight hard for the children, while also helping to ensure the best possible outcome. She is an amazing advocate, full of passion and drive. I am in awe of her- this same girl that made it through a war is still working to make the world a better place.

As we arrive to my apartment I start to sense that Tris is nervous. I tickle her and tell her she needs to tell me what is on her mind. She frowns and assures me it's nothing, pushing my hands away from her sides- her most ticklish spot. We have a small dinner, neither one of us very hungry. She offers to clean up so I can unpack and sort my laundry. I quickly hide her special ring box in my dresser, I am excited for my plan.

 **+o+++o+**

After showering I change into my sweatpants and a t-shirt. I am towel drying my hair when I exit the bathroom and join Tris in the living room. I almost trip when I see that she is waiting for me in the middle of my living room wearing a beautiful, short silk nightgown. Her hair is loose down her back and she is smiling at me shyly.

"Hi," she whispers and holds out her hand to me.

My heart starts beating furiously, I smile and step closer to her so I can hold her hand. "Hey."

Now that I am closer to her I notice the small blush that touches her cheeks, she looks so beautiful. Tris guides me to sit on the couch. I notice the lights in my living room are dimmed.

"Tobias, I love you. And I know we agreed to go slow. I just…well I just was hoping you would want to go a little faster," she pauses, "because I want to." She bites her lower lip and smiles at me.

I lean forward and wrap my arms around her to pull her to stand closer to me, I gently kiss her stomach over her nightgown. The material is so thin and soft, I can feel every curve. Tris gently runs her fingers through my hair.

"I love you, Tris. I would like nothing more than to show you…by going a little faster," I say as I slowly move my hands to rest on her butt before giving her a gently squeeze. I guide my hands lower until I reach the bottom of her nightgown that is resting right above her knees. I slowly continue to kiss her stomach as my hands begin to push up the fabric. Once her lace panties are showing I slowly dip my head and kiss the top band, and Tris whimpers. I swiftly move my fingers to dip into her panties and I pull them down her legs slowly. She is softly shaking with anticipation. When they fall to the floor, I hold her hands as she steps out of them.

I lean back on the couch and slowly guide her to straddle me. I can feel my dick is already rock hard with want, straining against my sweatpants, the moment she is sitting on my lap I groan at the contact. My hands slip under her gown and hold her bare hips. She places her hands on my shoulders as we meet halfway to kiss. Our kisses start out slowly, I love the feel of our tongues exploring each other's mouths.

I begin softly massaging her hips, I want to encourage her, but I also want her to take the lead. She pauses our kiss to rest her forehead against mine, we look deep into each other's eyes.

"Is this ok?" she whispers as she rocks her hips and rubs her core against my dick. I groan and tighten my hold on her hips, so that my finger tips are on her butt, I begin rocking my hips up.

"Yes, Tris. Can I touch you, please? I want to feel you, I want to make you wet for me." I whisper in her ear as I begin kissing her collarbone. She moans and begs me to please touch her.

As I slip my hand under her and begin stroking between her folds I am so aroused at how wet she already is. I slip two fingers inside of her and I sit back and watch and she begins moving up and down on my hand. "Fuck, Tris, you are so gorgeous. Keep going baby, tell me what you need."

Tris is panting and making these sweet noises as she whimpers with need, "Tobias, Tobias…I am so close. I am so close." I start using my thumb to rub circles around her clit. She screams out my name, I feel her walls clench around my fingers. I slow my pace down as she rides out her orgasm. I then remove my hand and lick my fingers, as she leans on my chest, panting.

Suddenly Tris slides down to the ground so she is kneeling in front of me, situated between my legs. I watch as she slowly begins rubbing my cock through my sweatpants. I know she can feel how aroused I am. She smiles at me. I sit up so I can pull my shirt off, I know she likes me shirtless. She smiles at me and sits up and slowly pulls off her nightgown. She is now completely bare in front of me. I gently caress her scars with my fingertips, she smiles at me lovingly. She is perfect in every way, and I often tell her that. Her beautiful perky breasts are exquisite, I moan when I see that her nipples are already hard. I gently roll them between my fingertips.

She bites her lips as she watches me touch her, she is still stroking me. We are both panting. "Tris, I love you so much. I…I want you, if you are ready. If not, that's ok baby. This has been amazing." I assure her.

She leans over and kisses me. I suddenly feel her hands on my hips as she starts to pull my sweatpants down. I raise my hips and help her. She kisses my lips, and then down my neck. Her hands are now touch my chest and are roaming down as her lips follow their trail. She begins using her hands to stroke my shaft, and as she slowly starts pumping up and down I watch as she smiles at me and then kisses the tip. I hiss her name and slip my fingers into her hair.

She begins taking me in and out of her mouth, and as amazing as it feels – I want more. My stomach is tight as my sex fills her mouth. I know I need to tell her soon.

"Tris. Wait, Tris. Please," I moan. She stops immediately and looks at me, I see the surprise in her eyes.

I pull her up and hug her to me, so we are face to face. "I love you, I want to make love to you, please – if you are ready." She smiles at me lovingly and nods her head yes. She went on the birth control shot when we started dating, just as a precaution. I start to stand up so we can go to the bedroom.

"Wait," she says. She looks sheepish, "Can we start on the couch? I want to try being on top, if you'll help me."

As I nod eagerly and lean back, I remind her that couches will always have a special place in my heart. She giggles as she stands up to straddle me. I touch her again to make sure she is still wet for me, and I am not disappointed. We kiss sweetly as I lean down and take my shaft and rub it against her to lubricate it. I can tell she is nervous, and so am I.

She slowly situates herself above me and we both fumble to align ourselves. It is only when she slowly starts to lower herself on me that I remember how amazing it feels to make love to her. I feel like I'm dying from pleasure. I let out an animalistic grunt once I am fully sheathed inside of her. I can feel her pulsing around me, God I think she is close already. I slip my hand between us and begin rubbing her bundle of nerves. She starts whimpering and suddenly she is crying out my name as she rides out her second orgasm of the night, she is so receptive. When she calms down, she sighs and teasingly asks me if I am ready to join in.

I laugh, and bite her lip as I begin helping her to pump up and down on my dick. I take her right nipple in my mouth and suck lovingly while enjoying the feeling of being so close to her. I switch to her other breast and she increases her pace. I lean back on the couch and begin pumping my hips up to meet her, thrusting even deeper into her. I feel my balls tighten at the same time she begins quivering around me.

We reach our climax at the same time, I pull her into my arms as she collapses into me. After our breathing slows I slowly pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. We slip under the sheets and hold each other, we kiss, we giggle, we touch each other, and we make love again that night before falling asleep.

I wake up very early that morning and set up the surprise I have for Tris. Once I am done, I lay next to her and patiently wait for my love to wake up.

 **+o+++o+**

 ***Tris POV***

Before I even open my eyes this morning I smile to myself remembering the night that Tobias and I shared. I have never felt as loved as I did being in his arms last night. I know now more than ever that going slow and building our relationship up was the right thing to do. I sigh and snuggle closer to him, he gently kisses my forehead. I open my eyes and smile at him. He looks so very happy, I am guessing he is equally as pleased as I am.

Tobias takes my left hand and brings it to his lips for a kiss. He smiles at me and wiggles his eyebrows. I then notice that he has slipped a ring box into my hand. My eyes widen, and I look at him and sit up, while holding the sheets to my chest.

"I think you should open it, there is something unexpected inside," he tells me.

With trembling fingers I open the ring box and there is a small spool of thread. I laugh, still unsure what is happening. Tobias kisses me gently and then ties the end of thread around my ring finger. "This signifies the ties that are not meant to be broken."

I smile at him, my eyes glistening with tears. I love him so much. He does not break off the string from my ring of string, instead he begins to gently pull string away from my hand towards him, his fingers wrapped around the spool. For a moment I guess that he will tie the other end to his ring finger as a gesture of our bond. I smile at him encouragingly.

Tobias breathes in and out slowly, I can see how nervous he is. "Beatrice Prior, you are the love of my life. You are my lover, you are my best friend, you are my greatest champion, you are my everything. I want to love you and cherish you for the rest of our lives. I want us to create a family of our own. Will you marry me?"

Tears of happiness spill down my cheeks, "Tobias, yes. A thousand times yes!" I smile at my string ring, I love it. All that matters is our life together. I don't care about material things.

It is then that Tobias allows the string of thread to pull up, then reveal a beautiful diamond ring at the top. The ring had been hidden in his hand all along. He lets the ring slide down the thread and then onto my ring finger. I gasp at the gesture, he has truly shocked me.

I see that he has tears in his eyes as well. Once Tobias helps me place the ring is on my finger I begin to cry and lean into his arms, we kiss sweetly. We stay in bed for hours, laughing, talking about our wedding, our hopes and dreams of a family.

I know neither of us is a perfect person.

But _this_ is perfect, perfect for us.

 **+o+++o+ Epilogue End +o+++o+**


End file.
